I think of how protective we are of Pluto, the outpouring of emotion we saw last week and it gives me hope. But loving Pluto is safe. We have so much of our own emotional work to do.
Remember this. When you look at how much care we can put into a tiny dwarf planet and then you get mad at all the sweet babies and children starving and dying on our own planet or the sanctity of our own planet and try to reconcile that, don’t let it embitter you towards humanity. Just remember that Pluto is safe to love and to protect. And then explore why that might not be the case for things you feel really should count for a lot more than they actually seem to. Remember this when you get angry at people for caring about the “wrong things”.
my life is an act of releasing,
of letting go
I brought so much baggage with me on this trip
and I usually pride myself on packing light
but I am full of self-deception and misperceptions
I forgot that wardrobe’s back opened onto another world
that looks just like me
I brought friends this time; I always do
Saturn splits the chaff from usable grain
Pluto digs around my unconscious self
bringing things from the basement out to the yard for examination
all the hidden parts of me I’ve stowed away
Chiron, the wounded healer, sees my wounds, teaches me to heal
giving me a template of understanding,
a pattern of recognition for empathy and compassion
to blossom and flow from me to others who are also wounded
we are all wounded, even if
some of us would prefer to hide it and hide from it
wounds need airing to heal
and I have been digging and digging lately
eyes shrouded, hands stained with the soil of myself,
bringing so much up
the sweat streaming into my eyes becomes tears I reluctantly shed
I keep forgetting to let this stuff go; I keep forgetting how…
my guts strewn about in the open air, the pain of it
I can no longer make heads or tails
it’s just intestines, half-digested relationships
unfinished meals of thoughts and longings
I’m pretty sure there’s a broken aorta over there
and it feels like that’s the crux of it.
will it ever get reconnected? am I even seeing it correctly?
maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill
maybe it’s only a capillary
maybe it’s a vena cava, which would explain the starving heart
how can I have a broken vena cava and still
flood the grass from the aorta?
how does one give up and release that which no longer serves?
how does one learn to let go of realities that never were?
either way, I have dirty laundry to wash and hang
and more lessons from Saturn and Chiron to survive:
I’ve surrendered to Pluto’s compulsion for reorganizing…
maybe I’ll have a yard sale
I’m so done with this shit.