Bridging the gap between secular and sacred

Sacred Geometry Workshop Advert

When I see stuff like this flyer, depending on my frame of mind, I either want to sign up immediately, pay my £35 and hope I make it before they run out of spaces, or I want to make fun of it mercilessly:

“Grounded research” that likely has been so synthesized it has lost its sense of self and is now, understandably, having an identity crisis. The tapestry of my “inner alchemy” is too “mystical” to be explored, thank you very much. You can take your Masters in Holistic Science and… yeah… and then I start to feel disgusted with myself because it’s all gluttonous self-indulgence. And disappointment. Scratch a cynic and find a disappointed idealist.

The thing is, really, we’re all trying so hard to make heads or tails of this weird existence called life, and there are so many strange and curious truths buried both in plain sight and deep within inexecrable bullshit. We still need to bridge the gap between secular and sacred and it’s going to take time and patience. And a good sense of humour.

So instead of being irritated or cynical, embarrassed or excited by the above, I’m going to look at it as baby steps toward a different way of thinking about the world.

It makes me wonder if, in several hundred years, we’ll look back on this sort of thing the way today’s more-informed readers look at Hildegard of Bingen’s description of how gemstones were made. The medieval world had a very incomplete and… unique… understanding of certain natural processes. So in 12th-century Germany, when she describes how gemstones were made, we now can look back on it with our 20/20 hindsight and say, well, she didn’t know, and it seemed correct enough at the time, and she WAS brilliant after all — have you heard her musical compositions?, etc. We find it easier to be more compassionate with her treatise and with other similarly naïve perspectives than we can be with our own modern-day fumblings.

What follows is an excerpt from her writings on Stones in her work, Physica:

Every stone contains fire and moisture. The devil abhors, detests, and disdains precious stones. This is because he remembers that their beauty was manifest on him before he fell from the glory God had given him, and because some precious stones are engendered from fire, in which he receives his punishment. By the will of God, the devil was vanquished by the fire into which he fell, just as he is vanquished by the fire of the Holy Spirit when humans are snatched from his jaws by the first breath of the Holy Spirit.

Precious stones and gems arise in the Orient, in areas where the sun’s heat is very great. From the hot sun, mountains there have heat as powerful as fire. The rivers in those areas always boil from the sun’s great heat. Whence at times an inundation of those rivers bursts forth and ascends those scorching mountains. The mountains, burning with the sun’s heat, are touched by those rivers. Froth, similar to that produced by hot iron or a hot stone when water is poured over it, exudes from the places where the water touches the fire. This froth adheres to that place and, in three or four days, hardens into stone.

Once the inundation has ceased and the waters have returned to the river bed, the pieces of froth dry up. They dry from the sun’s heat and take their colors and powers in accordance with the time of day and the temperature. Drying and hardening, they become precious stones and fall onto the sand, just like flaking fish scales. When they flood again the rivers lift up many of the stones, carrying them to other countries where they are later discovered by human beings. The mountains, where so many and such large stones have sprung up in this way, shine like the light of day.

And so, precious stones are born from fire and water; whence they have fire and moisture in them. They contain many powers and are effective for many needs. Many things can be done with them – but only good, honest actions, which are beneficial to human beings; not activities of seduction, fornication, adultery, enmity, homicide, and the like, which tend toward vice and which are injurious to people. The nature of these precious stones seeks honest and useful effects and rejects people’s depraved and evil uses, in the same way virtues cast off vices and vices are unable to engage with virtues.

Some stones do not originate from these mountains and are not of the same nature, but arise from other, useless things. Through them, with God’s permission, it is possible for good and bad things to happen.

Hildegard von Bingen’s Physica: The Complete English Translation of Her Classic Work on Health and Healing Translated from the Latin by Priscilla Throop Rochester: Healing Arts Press 1998, pp. 137-138.


If someone today proposed this as a valid and viable explanation of the geologic processes that form gemstones, they would be considered delusional. Even people in the New Age community would say as much.

Across the centuries, we’ve divorced ourselves from talk of the devil and of God and have taken up discourse with reason and science. Neither has been wholly satisfying for an undeniable portion of the population, which is why we keep searching. And now we’re trying to marry those two streams of sacred and secular perspectives on the world. Our disappointed but “grounded” cynics meet this marriage with derision, tension, or covert interest and curiosity.

These reactions mirror of our own lack of inner peace, and without inner peace we will never achieve the outer peace — the world peace — that we all hope for. Our inner alchemical tapestry is filled with infinite crucibles as we search for something brighter and more harmoniously congruent with our own individual sense of what is true about the world. When we are able to bridge the gap between these two worldviews and unite them into a seamless philosophy, we are at the same time, uniting important, valid, and worthy parts of ourselves.

It takes, among other things, time and compassion and a good sense of humour. We’re getting there.


Image credit: Tom Cox

Shooting the mystic messenger: ad hominem attacks and the shadow self

I’ve always liked Caroline Myss. Her attitude of frustration and chastisement make me laugh. People get so upset when they hear her speak because they can’t handle that she doesn’t adhere to their preconceived notions of what a mystic or healer should be like. Reading the comments on any of her youtube videos are a fancy trip through the land of shattered expectations.

People read her books or hear of her reputation and then, when they listen to her CDs or watch her recorded workshops and interviews, they are severely put off by her at-times-gruff and -impatient attitude towards others who aren’t on the same page as her – those who are, in fact, several pages or a book or so away from her, so to speak.

I love her for what she has to offer and what she has to share. I particularly love how human her impatience and frustration are. She is not the mighty alfather counterpart: the palpable and obvious embodiment of a nurturing and compassionate mystic almother. She’s prickly and brooks absolutely no bullshit. In short, she’s… *gasp* …imperfect.

People can’t handle that.

People certainly can’t handle that so-called imperfection in someone who has been positioned as being a teacher of healing and spiritual wisdom.

After all, isn’t she supposed to follow her own teachings consistently and flawlessly? How can she so judgmentally and arrogantly call people ‘stupid’ when elsewhere she espouses not judging people? And then those same people become dismissive of what she has to share, missing out on the meat of the message. They would rather spend their energy shooting the messenger than to look at themselves and discern and discover why they have a problem with how Myss relays her message.

There is a logical fallacy called ‘ad hominem’, wherein you attack your opponent’s character in order to undermine their argument without having to engage with it. And while those critics may believe that they are engaging with Myss’s teachings by applying them to her own way of being, they’re failing to engage with it in a way that shows they’re applying her teachings to their own way of being, as well. They would rather focus on the one finger pointing at her rather than the three pointing back at them. How convenient. How safe for them.

This is what is happening with respect to Caroline Myss and any other in-the-trenches mystic and teacher. Really, it happens with anyone in any capacity. People Want Integrity And Honour. We need it. We crave it. But we keep looking outside ourselves for it, feeling like we need to see it in others before we can embody it ourselves, rather than doing the work to get ourselves where we wish others to be. And if anyone, who otherwise has amazing wisdom to share, shows any hint of a lack of honour or integrity (or any other perceived-as-negative human quality like impatience or frustration), then we knock them off their pedestal and crap-talk them in a flurry of disappointment because they failed to meet our (unrealistic) expectations of what a Saviour is supposed to be. And then we walk away in a huff, consoling our bruised egos with vows to forever never listen to that person again because what a sham they are tsk tsk.

We want so badly to be saved from our woes that we put so much hope and faith into the teachers. Never mind that the teachers themselves are still learning and are telling us to focus on having faith in ourselves. We however continue, collectively, to put our faith in someone outside ourselves. And then we get upset and disillusioned and angry and frustrated and embittered when that person fails to uphold the unspoken agreement of being absolutely flawless and perfect.

In this interview with Lilou Mace, Myss is plainly herself as she always is.

whiteangel7777777 shares in the comments: “I am surprised by her attitude, she comes off being hard and very judgmental, and bitter. I just finished her video on Why people don’t heal, and in it she is saying not to judge people or say negative things about others because it drains your energy and here this is what she is doing almost on every subject Lilou asks about. Was not expecting this…from Caroline Myss.”

whiteangel7777777 appears not to be able to handle Myss’s realness. That is, the reality of her own humanity. She plainly states that she wasn’t expecting this from Myss, phrasing and textually articulating it with the ellipses in such a way as to put Myss on a pedestal while simultaneously knocking her off it.

Ruben Haro comments: “Despite her wisdom, she STILL has a lot of SHADOWS. Beautiful nonetheless, but another intellectual, lineal minded interview.”

He writes as though having SHADOWS is a bad thing. The truth of the matter is that we all have shadows. Part of what we need to do during this lifetime is embrace our shadow side and make peace with it. Suppressing it or attempting to get rid of it only strengthens it. Owning that part of yourself is one of the most humbling, freeing, and important things you can do.

I admit to wondering if any of these people have ever read anything that Myss has written or if their only experience of her is via youtube. I wonder this because she has written about being a modern-day mystic in the real world and not being a traditional, cloistered mystic, segregated and sequestered from society as a whole. Mystics who work and live in this world have far more to balance than those sequestered and cloistered. Instead of the silence afforded them by nature or church or cell, they have to deal with traffic and the onslaught of news and being around the emotional noise of the rest of the world. This grates and rubs. They are confronted with far more opportunities to address their ‘negative’ aspects than the holy hermit mystic who is protected from the stimuli of mundane modernity. And we chastise them for not being the image of perfection that we demand them to be, rather than having a sense of gratitude for the wisdom that they share and a sense of compassion for the challenges they face. When we take this attitude of frustration, we show how much empathy we lack… and we mirror the behaviour that we criticize.

I also admit to wondering whether these critics are aware of their own judgmental responses and whether they know anything about the hardships that mystics tend to face in their own personal lives, in addition to the noise of everyday life.

What I loved most about this particular interview between Caroline Myss and Lilou Mace was that Lilou asked Caroline about her own hardships and, at first, she refused to talk about them, saying that she didn’t know how that could possibly help anyone. But then she started talking about the seizures she’d had and how terrifying the unpredictability of the condition was, and I found it to be the most important part of this whole interview – possibly one of the most important elements of any online interview or workshop I’ve yet seen from her. She was human enough to want to withhold that information because her experiences were hard and humbling and it’s not fun to revisit those experiences because doing so calls up a sense of powerlessness that makes us feel extremely uncomfortable, no matter the level of faith we have. But I am deeply deeply grateful for what she shared. It helped me frame my own experiences of being in the trenches and learning to navigate some fairly grueling and out-of-the-ordinary experiences.

All of this reminds me of how judgmental I have been in the past with other wisdom-sharers. There is an extremely talented person with whom I have had the pleasure of working, who is well-regarded in her field and very adept at what she does. And she smokes. And I find that hard to reconcile still, even though I have a far better understanding of why I have that judgment there. I have, in the past, thought to myself: “How can she be so skilled and so talented and still not be able to beat a nicotine addiction? How can I respect that? So many other people have quit. Why can’t she? How can she be powerful at all and still have this fault? How can I possibly believe anything she has to say if she can’t get it together and stop smoking?”

In “Saint John of the Cross: Life, Poetry & Teachings of Saint John of the Cross (1542-1591)” by Timothy Conway, he quotes Saint John’s writings in which he states: “the holier a man is, the gentler he is and the less scandalized by the faults of others, because he knows the weak condition of man”.

We demand integrity of others and when people whose teachings we respect appear to fall short of our expectations, we tar and feather them. But rarely do we ever look at them with compassion, nor do we look at ourselves to determine if we show as much integrity as we wish those “disappointing” teachers demonstrated.

We are still looking outside ourselves for Saviours, instead of looking to ourselves. When we do this, we fail to see the value in the faults of others and what they can show us about ourselves. When we see imperfection in those whom we expect to be perfect and then chastise and admonish them that imperfection, it shows us how critical, judgmental, and unforgiving we are with regard to our own imperfections, flaws, and faults.

None of us are perfect and being intuitive does not mean that we are automatically spiritual. Myss plainly says that it doesn’t take anything particularly special to be intuitive – that gamblers are some of the most intuitive people she knows. Gamblers are not known for their integrity or their compassion. Accompanying this assertion is the reality of the juxtaposition of positivity and negativity/integrity and hypocrisy/honesty and falsehood contained within a single person, whether gambler or mystic. It brings forth a more realistic perspective of the multidimensionality of each of us. The “both…and” of existence.

“There is nothing about intuition that you should associate with a good person. ‘Oh, I’m intuitive.’ The implication from a lot of people is, ‘I’m holy. I’m special.’ Oh for God’s sake. Some of the most intuitive people I know are gamblers. You don’t think criminals are good intuitives?! Are you crazy?! Why haven’t they been caught? What do you think the Wall Street guys are, if not damn good intuitives? Snap out of it! You can’t afford these mythologies that allow you to think this nonsense – that this is a high-voltage spiritual skill or that eating cucumbers and tomatoes somehow or other makes you a better person – and pinenuts and powerbars (yech!) – than if you ate a steak. What makes you a better person is having integrity and not betraying yourself or someone else. I’d take someone who ate catfood and I knew was honest than someone who ate all that organic junk but couldn’t ever say an honest thing. Gimme a catfood person with integrity any day of the week.” 15:58-17:34, Caroline Myss- Medical Intuition: An Exploration into the science and art of healing – 2014

It is our shadow self that makes us believe that we have a free pass in criticizing another person by pointing out their perceived flaws. It is our shadow self that dismisses what another person has to say because they don’t like the packaging it comes in. It is our shadow self that refuses to look at our own flaws because it is afraid of what might be there. It is our shadow self that inflates the ego and idealizes ourselves over others. Coming to terms with that means eschewing the holier-than-thou ad hominem attacks in favour of the more truly holy attitude of forgiving people their faults and showing them the compassion you would want them to show you when you face your own challenges.

This is coming to terms with our shadow self.

When we are able to do that, we are able to get more out of life because we are free to see more of the picture. It’s much like climbing a mountain. The people farther up the mountain see a different view than those who haven’t made it that far. But the ones who’ve climbed farther aren’t any better than anyone else for having done the climbing. They are no more worthy of respect and dignity and honour than the person at the corner store who was crabby to you because she was having a bad day, or the person who is homeless because they lost their job and became too overwhelmed to be able to keep things together.

We’re all human, after all. And if the person who has a wider perspective on life wants you to see what she sees and is frustrated that you aren’t willing or ready to see it and can see all the collective hardships that come from not being able to see certain parts of the overall picture, then she’s frustrated and that’s normal and human and an aspect of her shadow self. Getting angry with your friend because she’s so excited for you to come visit her a few miles up ahead but omg you’re taking forEVER to get there and she can see what you’re doing and wishes you would see things her way so that you can get to see the cool things she’s seeing… well… that’s all normal, too, and an aspect of the shadow self.

I’m not going to defend the frustration or harshness that Myss can and has embodied in her talks and interviews, but neither will I defend the criticism of those who refuse to take a look at their own lives to see if they’re living up to the standards they expect her to live up to. However, I will say that I understand both sides of the situation and feel for both sides. Neither side is wrong and both perspectives deserve validation and acknowledgement.

The trek is arduous, my friends. It is arduous and amazing, challenging, and very dark at times. The vistas can be so stunningly and breathtakingly beautiful, though. Be soft in your judgments, kind with yourself and with others and work very diligently to be unabashedly and courageously honest with yourself about who you are and how you move through this world. You’ve already come so far.


Aborting the Birth of a Healer

I follow Dreamwork with Toko-Pa on Facebook because she posts beautiful artwork and insightful commentary. I appreciate her perspective immensely. Last week, she posted this:

In the shamanic view, mental illness signals “the birth of a healer,” explains Malidoma Patrice Somé. Thus, mental disorders are spiritual emergencies, spiritual crises, and need to be regarded as such to aid the healer in being born:

And then she linked to an article called The Shamanic View of Mental Illness (featuring Malidoma Patrice Somé) by Stephanie Marohn. The following selection, under the subtitle of What a Shaman Sees in A Mental Hospital, is what is most relevant to my experience.


On the mental ward, Dr Somé saw a lot of “beings” hanging around the patients, “entities” that are invisible to most people but that shamans and psychics are able to see.  “They were causing the crisis in these people,” he says.  It appeared to him that these beings were trying to get the medications and their effects out of the bodies of the people the beings were trying to merge with, and were increasing the patients’ pain in the process.  “The beings were acting almost like some kind of excavator in the energy field of people.  They were really fierce about that.  The people they were doing that to were just screaming and yelling,” he said.  He couldn’t stay in that environment and had to leave.


In the Dagara tradition, the community helps the person reconcile the energies of both worlds–“the world of the spirit that he or she is merged with, and the village and community.”  That person is able then to serve as a bridge between the worlds and help the living with information and healing they need.  Thus, the spiritual crisis ends with the birth of another healer.  “The other world’s relationship with our world is one of sponsorship,” Dr. Somé explains.  “More often than not, the knowledge and skills that arise from this kind of merger are a knowledge or a skill that is provided directly from the other world.”

The beings who were increasing the pain of the inmates on the mental hospital ward were actually attempting to merge with the inmates in order to get messages through to this world.  The people they had chosen to merge with were getting no assistance in learning how to be a bridge between the worlds and the beings’ attempts to merge were thwarted.  The result was the sustaining of the initial disorder of energy and the aborting of the birth of a healer.

“The Western culture has consistently ignored the birth of the healer,” states Dr. Somé.  “Consequently, there will be a tendency from the other world to keep trying as many people as possible in an attempt to get somebody’s attention.  They have to try harder.”  The spirits are drawn to people whose senses have not been anesthetized.  “The sensitivity is pretty much read as an invitation to come in,” he notes.


It has been a challenging and difficult winter for me. Spring has been no easier. My sensitivity has increased dramatically over the past year, and that has been read as an invitation. Because I had specific, pertinent knowledge prior to my series of ‘spiritual emergencies’ of the past several months, I have managed to stay out of a mental hospital, but it came close a few times. It is tiring and exhausting work to maintain the perception of relative sanity to all but a few people (most of whom have been extremely supportive). This perception must be maintained because of the stigma of mental illness in this culture. Not only is mental illness sometimes caused by spiritual disturbances that need tending to but which are ignored or utterly dismissed as delusion, people who have issues with their mental stability have to go undercover lest they shoulder the exasperating and additionally wearisome burden of discrimination from people who are ill-informed and do not wish to correct that.

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When one has the inclination towards becoming a healer and has had that inclination all one’s life, complete with a significant interest in shamanism specifically, but lacks the training necessary to cope with all that is coming one’s way, there is a certain level of naïvety. Things start out a certain way. It’s exciting. It’s very positive. It feels amazing. Not euphoric, mind you. Not mania-levels of amazing, just really good and happy, like things are moving in the right direction, and you’re finally going to make substantial in-roads towards making a lasting, positive difference in the world as a career path. It feels like this:



Everything is shiny! Everything is happy! Look at their innocent faces. There is momentum! Everything is good and you are at peace, taking it all as it comes. But I will tell you this. After months upon months of trying to keep up appearances and not knowing where to turn for the sort of training one needs in order to handle such a confusing onslaught of beings, energies, influences, etc., it becomes wearing, particularly when those beings, energies, influences are hellbent on exploiting any ounce of negativity and emotionality in one’s system — targeting the weak points in order to draw attention to them. The centre cannot hold. Things fall apart in one way or another. It feels like this:



It becomes a lived shamanic dismemberment experience. It is intense, traumatic, and not a process I ever wish to repeat. It has also been extremely useful and productive, and I am deeply grateful that this pain has had purpose. With the help of some supportive friends and a small handful of healers and helpers, I have managed to tend to and to begin in earnest a journey that is healing some of the most wounded parts of myself. It’s not a pretty process. There’s nothing tidy, nice, or pleasant about it. There is a lot of grieving. It is very private. There is a lot of crying involved because of the need to release. I hate crying.

I have been able to take this prolonged situation that, in many ways, could have been construed as being quite negative and very dark and turn it into something productive and useful. I am the sort of person who stubbornly refuses not to use every experience as a learning experience. There is a reason for everything, and no we don’t always get to know what that reason is. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a valid and important reason why any given thing happens. And yes, sometimes that reason is because we are stupid and make bad decisions, but still. Reason. And it’s hellishly painful, at times, too — both to be told there is a reason for bad things when nothing seems reasonable in this world and to actually experience those unreasonably bad things. It might serve us to toy with reframing ‘bad,’ choosing instead to call it ‘hard’. Hard is not necessarily bad. Good is not necessarily easy. There are so many shitty experiences that life has to offer each one of us, but those experiences teach us so much for the rest of our lives if we open ourselves to them rather than shutting them out, abjectly refusing to look at them to see if there’s anything useful there to learn. (There always will be.) We’re afraid of the pain, not realizing that, by avoiding it, we’re making it more painful than it needs to be, whatever “it” is.

And you know what? It’s ok to be afraid of the pain, and it’s ok to avoid. It’s necessary at times. It’s life-saving at times. But avoidance is meant to be temporary because avoidance is not living, it is defense. A life steeped in abject avoidance is a recipe for disease and ill-health. Sometimes, it can become vitally important to reassess your coping mechanisms to see if they’re serving you or if you are now serving them. It is a matter of whether you feel free or whether you feel defensive. Either way, your soul will evolve: It is as the 14th century medieval mystic, Julian of Norwich, shares in her vision of what Christ said to her: “Botte alle shalle be wele, and alle manner of thinge shall be wele. [Vis. 13.45, 61]” But all shall be well and everything shall be well. Either way, it’s gonna be ok.


In realizing that I could turn this process that I was enduring into a learning experience, turn it into something positive, I decided to liken this exploitation of the negativity I held in my system to what therapists go through during their training. In order to become therapists, they have to go through therapy of their own. They have to deal with their own shit before they can effectively and safely help others deal with theirs.

I have a lot of shit to deal with. (We all do.)

Right now, however, I am learning that I need more training than I am currently willing to give myself over to. There are no definitive arrows pointing in a particular direction of training in this path, and so I am working to establish a temporary respite from pursuing healing as my vocation. To use the above phrasing of Stephanie Marohn, I am aborting this process of becoming a healer and am doing so consciously. To be sure, I am using this word to mean ‘pausing, setting aside’. Abort in order to retry later because this is an undeniable calling for me. Mostly because I don’t want to deny it! It is simply that I have recognized that I need to train in another area of my life for awhile, in order to learn other, more mundane things. And when the time is right, the birth process will begin again with gusto. It’s in a holding pattern for now, shelved for later. I’m ok with that. Shifting gears and changing directions is sometimes necessary and is sometimes also illusory — it’s all part of the process of getting myself where I need to be.

Alle shalle be wele.

It already is.

In time, it will feel well, too.

Being more human when dealing with another’s grief

You Aren’t Here Now: How Grief and Mindfulness Don’t Mix. A friend posted this article on mindfulness and grief and how the way mindfulness being interpreted in mainstream media has left it bereft of value and has turned it into something that is ultimately not useful at all, when the actual definition of mindfulness truly would be useful in grief situations. As I was reading it, I wrote down my reactions to what the author had encountered. Here is where I want to begin:

A recent magazine article ended with the suggestion: “when you get into the habit of watching your thoughts, you just might find that suddenly everything starts to go your way.” As it becomes more common, mindfulness is seen as a way to get things (including happiness), rather than as a tool for helping you live.

Even when mindfulness is presented with more thought, it is often misused as corrective rather than supportive. So much of meditation, guided visualization, even basic yoga classes, stresses the idea that if you would only breathe and relax, you would see that everything is perfect just as it is. Everything is unfolding for your deepest good, and this moment, itself, is beautiful. If you are having difficulties, all you need to do is see where you might change your perspective, and all will flow freely again. Where this modern interpretation of mindfulness fails, for me, and maybe for you, is how it is presented as a cure-all: any pain or trouble will be transformed if you think about it right, as though being in the present moment will fix everything.

Ok, the problem here is that we are missing the very real fact that there are multitudinous layers of reality. You cannot easily apply the paradigmatic truth of one layer of reality to the circumstances of another layer of reality, particularly when the layers are so disparate and far apart. I can think lofty abstract thoughts about past lives and reincarnation and whether it is accidental that I cross paths with certain people (or any person, for that matter) and still feel the irritating pain of a hangnail or a paper cut or the ache of arthritis. Both are valid experiences, both are vastly different layers of reality to deal with.

When trauma and tragedy strike, letting the pain and grief of those experiences flow through you is being in the moment. What is happening in this greater societal misinterpretation of mindfulness is that we’re becoming avoidant of that pain. That’s not healthy. That’s not what health is. That’s not mindfulness. It’s a New Age Bullshit Superficial Misinterpretation that Does Not Serve Anyone.

Continue reading

A Taste of Stewardship

How insects are helping me find my place in this world.

I am a Caretaker by nature and so, while growing up, being fed the line in the Bible about having Dominion over the land further cemented for me that Christianity, as interpreted by those supposedly in charge, was not my path. I saw early on, even if I wasn’t able to fully articulate it or act on it, that we are woven into the land and into the greater web of life. We’re not the top of the food chain. Nothing is. If garlic and oregano have anti-viral capacities, then viruses aren’t at the top, either. Yet millions of us are laid waste each year by viruses, some preventable, some not. Bacteria aren’t either, despite their best efforts at mutating into superbugs that are antibiotic resistant. Even cancer can be beaten.

In my years of seeking, I came across the notion of ahimsa: nonviolence. I work continually to make peace with the fact that it is impossible for us humans not to kill in order to survive in this world we live in. How many snakes, mice, voles, rats, rabbits, insects are decimated each time a combine rolls through a field to harvest our grain? How many slugs are destroyed by organic farmers while growing our baby mixed greens? How much trauma does a calf and its mother endure when they are separated from each other so that humans can have the cow’s milk? They grieve and cry for each other for days [1]. Even plants react to being wounded [2].

We have to understand we are not the only beings on this planet with personalities and minds.  –Jane Goodall

Believe it or not, one of the things that I have done that has served me very very well is to make peace with the insect and arachnid world. I have recultivated the sort of curiosity I had as a child and used that curiosity to learn more about whatever insect/spider is bothering me before I decide what to do with it. If information is not available, I trust my gut. Continue reading

Fanning the Right Flames: Cultivating Mental Discipline

I have been dropped into fire. This is about mental discipline.

I recently finished my level one certification in Reiki. I love it. I love the balance that near-daily meditation has brought to my life and I love learning to channel this healing energy. These practices are changing me for the better. They are showing me where my weak spots are and presenting me with challenge after challenge, while also soothing my weary soul, body, and mind, and lifting my spirit immeasurably when I’m able to give Reiki to others. It is deeply satisfying for me.

This morning, I was up at 8:15. I went to the bathroom, then came upstairs and waited about 5 minutes for my partner to gather his things and leave for his workday. I sat down and began breathing.

Not three minutes later, I could hear little footsteps on the stairs. Continue reading

Coming full circle: Christianity

I was raised Catholic. Went to Catholic school from K-8, wore the uniform, went to mass every Friday morning and once a month on Tuesdays. I never fit in. It never spoke to me. The rituals always seemed hollow and meaningless and confession was a joke — as though another human being had the power to absolve me of my supposed sins. I used to make up sins just to have something to say the rare times we were taken down to the church for confession (the church, at the time, was in the lower level of the school). Yes, I lied in the confessional and I don’t feel a single pang of guilt about it. In fact, I find it more than a bit humorous.

When everybody in my 8th grade class of 25 was signing up for confirmation classes, I was the only one who didn’t sign up. My Italian Catholic grandmother was less than pleased, but the guilt trips she tried had no effect. By age 12, I knew I didn’t live my life for other people. This, too, did not please her, but if ever she said, “How could you do this to me?” I have steadfastly blocked it from memory. Continue reading

Start Small

So many people buy into the Go Big or Go Home approach that starting anything can be intimidating if it’s out of your daily routine, daily habit, or general comfort zone.

My very awesome reiki instructor, Paul Lara of QiBelly, is starting a video series. Here’s his first, where he addresses trust, fear, love, and daily habits in under two minutes.

Taking Your Meditation to the Streets (Part 1)


In a recent email to a friend of mine, I asked if she meditated. The pace of our lives often feels so haywire that it’s hard to keep up with the daily insanity. It’s easy to feel like we’re running on autopilot while the days slip by and it can feel like we don’t even have the power to change anything at all. I told my friend to steal 5 minutes from her morning to just sit and breathe. Just sit and follow her breath. Set the timer on her phone and sit and breathe.

It’s a way to carve out a time to be in your body. Life happens in the present moment and so often we’re somewhere else. Sitting and being in our body helps bring us back to the present moment. It is only in the present moment that change can take place. Be where your body is, as the saying goes.

5 minutes.

You can do it.

I hereby give you permission to start small.